1:1 Conversations across Differences
The Process
- Emphasizes storytelling, listening, and learning rather than declaring or debating.
- Both people share and learn. Neither is teaching the other or giving feedback about how to think or say things differently.
- Participants take turns responding to a series of questions of increasing depth, with the other person listening without cross talk, and then sharing what they learned about the other’s views and experiences, and seeing if there is something in common.
- Usually ends with both people coming up with action ideas to make a difference.
- After the structured conversations are over, participants often decide to continue talking to each other in unstructured conversations. This allows them to dig deeper into issues, ask the other’s opinion about current events, and keep up with their partner’s health, pets, children, grandchildren, hobbies, etc.
The Five Types
Connecting people across one of our differences for a discussion about The Golden Rule
Connecting one conservative and one liberal/progressive to share what each believe and want for the country
Connecting one rural or small-town dweller with one person from an urban or suburban area to better understand each other’s worlds
Connecting two people from different racial, ethnic or cultural groups
Connecting one person 18-30 years old with one person 61+ years old
Get Started
Please listen to Braver Angels co-founder Bill Doherty’s 2.5 minute audio introduction.
Read ‘It’s About Relationships’, an optional 2-minute article by Donna N. Murphy.
You can either find your own conversation partner or click “Sign Up Now” for us to find you a partner.
Our ability to pair you depends entirely on who else signs up that is different from you. Sign-ups can be lopsided. That’s why we appreciate your flexibility. Although we try to give people their first preference when possible, sometimes we need to give them a second or third preference for type of conversation. Most people are paired within a few days to three weeks.
Please note that if you sign up, you are making a commitment to take part in a conversation. You will be asked to provide an email address and phone number (cell phone if at all possible). Sometimes emails go astray, (if a partner’s email accidently goes to junk mail, they won’t know to contact you) so please try contacting your partner by email, text and phone.
On the sign-up form, please rank your preference of conversations. You must rank at least two preferences, and we encourage you to rank all the conversations that apply to you. All five conversations are excellent!
Once you have a partner, unless you are meeting in person, please choose an online platform with which you are comfortable.
Many people are comfortable with Zoom. Here is a step-by-step guide which includes how to pick your device, download Zoom, handle audio and video, invite your conversation partner, and view the 1:1 conversation guide on screen, or watch this short video to learn how to start a Zoom meeting, invite your partner to join, and arrange Windows to see the conversation guide on screen.
Free, Basic Zoom meetings between 2 or more people are subject to a 40-minute time limit, so if you have access to a Pro or Business account, please use that. If not, here is a workaround that enables you to continue your conversation beyond 40 minutes.
Other online platforms include Google Meet, FaceTime, WhatsApp and Skype. It’s preferable that you see each other, so use a telephone only if other options don’t work. You two set the dates and times for your conversations.
It is mandatory to use the conversation guide for your particular 1:1 conversation. That’s what structures your conversation! Please have the guide in front of you during the conversation.
You can print out the conversation guide in advance (one guide contains both conversations when there are two) by clicking on the appropriate link: 1:1 Golden Rule; 1:1 Red/Blue; 1:1 Conversation Across Generations; 1:1 Rural/Urban; or 1:1 Conversation About Race, Ethnicity or Culture. Then click on File, Download as a Microsoft Word doc, and click on the file that appears in the bottom left-hand corner. Once the Word doc is open, click on File, then Print.
After finishing your 1:1 Conversation, please complete this quick, confidential survey to share your feedback about your conversation.
Please fill out this short form to let us know you completed your 1:1 conversations and, if applicable, share a few action ideas from your conversation. You can also provide a short testimonial about your 1:1 experience to encourage others to participate in one.
We dearly hope that you and your partner will continue to stay in touch with each other.
FAQ
Yes, we will pair you again provided you fill out the sign-up form again after you complete your first conversation. If you do not fall into one of the categories listed in the next paragraph, we can pair you for a maximum of two conversations. If you want more, please do find your own conversation partners. Exception: we will happily pair anyone for multiple 1:1 Golden Rule Conversations.
We especially encourage the following types of people to sign up for multiple conversations: Reds for a Red/Blue conversation; Rural/Small-town dwellers for a Rural/Urban conversation; 18-30 year olds for a Conversation Across Generations; and non-White people for a Conversation about Race, Ethnicity and Culture.
We do not vet participants. We assume that those who sign up for these conversations do so in good faith. In the rare instance that someone we pair you with behaves in an utterly inappropriate manner, let us know at 1-1@braverangels.org so that we do not pair them with anyone else.
We pair adults 18 years and older via our sign-up form. Teachers and other secular or religious leaders are free to pair those under 18 with each other for 1:1 conversations using our conversation guides.
For college instructors interested in assigning 1:1 Conversations to students, please check out this 1-pager on how to get involved.
Yes. This guide is designed for one in-person conversation of up to 75 minutes in length between two people.
Tell your friends, relatives and acquaintances about Braver Angels 1:1 Conversations. If you wish, you can cut and paste the wording in this template into an email, revise and personalize it as desired, and email it to 5-10 others. We’re especially appreciative when you spread the word among conservatives, 18-30 year olds, non-White people, and rural/small town dwellers.
We rely on the generosity of our supporters to fund our work to bring Americans together. If you found your 1:1 conversation to be valuable, please donate here. These donations are specially marked to let us know you want us to devote more resources to 1:1 conversations. Our goal is to get thousands of people doing Braver Angels 1:1 conversations nationwide. Your donation is a vote that you agree! Every contribution is appreciated.
